ELKO, NV—Admiring the dedication to character but growing increasingly exasperated as the night wore on, friends of local man Paul Dorsey told reporters Friday that he had apparently committed to doing a Dracula voice for the entirety of his Halloween party. “When we got here, he said, ‘I beed you velcome’ in this over-the-top Slavic accent, and it totally made sense,” said party guest Deidre Lopez, adding that she didn’t even think twice when, shortly thereafter, Dorsey had asked, “Vould you like a glass of vine?” because he was still essentially introducing his costume. “I just assumed that after a while the vampire mannerisms would fade away and he would resume being the friend I met two jobs ago. But instead, I’m telling him about my awful roommate situation, and he says, ‘Vell, here’s vhat I vould dooooo,’ like we’re not already three hours into this thing. He really needs to drop that Dracula shit and go back to talking like the guy I play tennis with sometimes.” Lopez went on to say, however, that she respected his determination to smoke a joint without once removing his plastic fangs.
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