This is a debate that I've been having with a few people recently, particularly because of something I came across a few weeks ago. There's an author who publishes their own stories online (mostly with LGBTQ+ themes) that I read a lot 15+ years ago when I was an angsty teenager confused about my sexuality. The stories are still available, but the author's recently decided to clean them up, remove direct sex references and make them more age-appropriate. I sent this person an email querying this, and the response I got was basically that they were thinking more about how they could help LGBTQ+ teens, they know people who run workshops and so on that they tried to submit their work to, but those people won't take this author's work because it can get quite sexual and is perceived to be pornographic.
The thing that concerns me about this though is that thinking back to when I was a teenager, I think the sexual depictions were something I needed. On reflection, it made me far more capable of identifying when sex is healthy and when it's not. The author was really good at making sure to include things like open communication between the characters, emphasise the importance of consent for everything, make references to using protection, and so on. (There were also scenes that didn't have these things attached, but the consequences for the characters involved were markedly more negative and unsatisfying.) That taught me something which I feel you can't do that so much if you're trying to avoid being too graphic. It's important that kids get taught about these things, but if they're only taught in a classroom setting, that can be quite cold and clinical and not translate that directly to the actual experiences they're having, so I think it's good if it comes up in media and literature as well. I think I was about 14 when I started reading this stuff - at 14 you have sexual desires, and it was a means for me to explore them long before I was ready to experiment with other people. It meant that when I did reach the stage of wanting to experiment with other people, I was more prepared for it and had a greater understanding of when it's respectful and when it's not, and be able to walk away if I didn't feel respected.
I worry that in trying to make everything 'age-appropriate' we may have lost something. If I'm honest I think any discomfort about it comes more from adults than from kids.
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