Up until this week I was having fun, but last night I left feeling completely demoralized. I don't know what to do. The games are casual, but I can tell the guys like to play 10 minute games. When I play, we don't use a clock and the game takes about an hour each, the vast majority of the time is me thinking while my opponent seems to blitz out moves. I don't want to waste their time and I feel like I am keeping them back from playing someone much better. They guys do a good deal of light-trash talking, but not when I play, which I am glad about, but at the same time just highlights the disparity of the abilities.
I don't want to take the time to write the moves down because it would just slow the whole game down even more.
I know these guys are good, but honestly, I have been playing the same amount of time as most of them. This is compounded because I have not been able to break 800 chess.com rapid 15/10 in years.
I am not looking for tips on how to get better. I have been playing since 2019 and have seen all the videos that you can name, done thousands of puzzles with a pretty good success rate, and go over my games with a friend. Please don't send me a message offering coaching services. I had a coach and all he did was take my money.
When i came home yesterday my wife asked me how it went, I told her and she casually said, "maybe chess is just not for you." I just don't know how to handle the frustration.
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