The National Book Awards will take place Nov. 18, with novelists Edwidge Danticat and Hannah Lillith Assadi among the finalists for fiction. The Onion shares tips for writing your own novel.
Save time by writing all of the e’s first.
Visualize your characters by designing them in Madden NFL 06 ’s Create-A-Player feature.
Consider what is marketable at the moment, and if you have a clear picture of that, maybe go into marketing instead.
Write every day unless you don’t feel like it.
Think of your story as answering a question, like “Could Sonic the Hedgehog have stopped the Russian Revolution?”
Ask a friend to point a gun at your head until you reach a flow state.
A little sex goes a long way. A lot of sex goes an even longer way.
Take inspiration from your life, like that time you decided to write a novel.
When in doubt, give somebody scarlet fever.
Don’t start your story with your character waking up and looking in the mirror. That’s our idea.
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