You always help out your family. You show up for your own. That is the type of teaching we have heard since we were kids. We were always supposed to be open to helping those who share our DNA. But does that mean you should forget about your own needs and preferences? Where do you draw the line? When do you stop helping your family to protect your own well-being and sanity?
The person who shared this story is asking those exact questions. We all know it's okay to help the people you cherish when they seem to be struggling. However, there is a fine line between helping and forgetting to put actual limits. This can be even trickier when expectations don't match between couples.
In this story, a female relative shows up unannounced, thinking she can stay with her family for the duration of her job search, as she comes from a different city. Some would have no trouble with moving some furniture here and there and letting her stay so she can get a job, while others would struggle with the invasion of privacy. Nonetheless, we have to admit it's a little over the top for that relative not to directly ask this family if it is okay to live with them. Plus, apparently, the question was asked in the middle of a family dinner, adding pressure on the family to agree. Of course it's okay to ask for help when you need it, and it's also okay to give it when you can. What feels wrong in this story is the overall "how?" she asked for help.
Our advice: when situations like this happen, try to be as thoughtful as possible with the person you requested help from. Also, if they decide to put some limits in place, respect that too. Family can always be a good place to start when you need a hand, but that doesn't mean they are not entitled to their own comfort and peace of mind. On the other hand, your family's nature and traditions do not have to necessarily match everyone else's, so keep your mind open there.
In the end, people on the internet agreed. Don't assume family will open the door all the time, and try to be aware that everyone has troubles and complications of their own. Our conclusion? Asking never hurts, but whatever the answer is, love and appreciate family while also giving yourself the space you need. Hope this helps, but you know, we don't know your family, so maybe don't take us too seriously.