Woman says therapy speak has ruined her friend group: ‘Any confronting text or conversation to talk about what happened was met with sterile therapy speak and almost corporate HR problem management’

When the friend group starts feeling like an HR department

What happens when we start managing our friendships instead of actually experiencing them? We've got to a point where all the Instagram infographics have taught us different gibberish to validate our shortcomings.

It's all about managing conflict, keeping everyone else's pain away, and documenting harm. Yet friendship requires more willingness, capability to accept ambiguity, and other things bureaucracy can't provide.

Take this situation: a feeling might be real, for example, if you felt disrespected by your friends, but that doesn't make the interpretation attached to that feeling automatically correct. Someone can feel genuinely betrayed without having been betrayed intentionally. Equally, someone can cause harm without originally intending to.

An online culture that doesn't have any room for context, proportionality, and intent can make relationships impossible.

Does feeling hurt automatically imply a wrongdoing? Can we relate anymore, or is it all about our self-perception? Is there no room for the other person's experience?

Interpreting conflict and reaching agreements seem to have become a lost art. Every action these days is interpreted through the vocabulary of manipulation, and while information about that might be helpful for people who are actually in that situation, it can confuse those who aren't.

No relationship can survive when every misunderstanding becomes evidence of the other person's character. Psychological literacy can make us interpret every normal human action as diagnostic criteria. What happened to giving people the benefit of the doubt and accepting that everyone makes mistakes?

Using the word 'boundary' can help some people not take responsibility for their own decisions, in a way. Instead of saying something like: 'I don't like this person, and I'd rather not be around them', you use therapeutic language and suddenly you have the moral high ground.

We are allowed not to like someone, but I think we should start being more blunt about it instead of hiding behind therapy talk.

All this psychological gibberish makes us sound like we have the right to decide how morally correct other people's actions are. I know it's hard to accept it, but we don't.

I've seen so many friends make drastic decisions over a feeling and not give the other person a chance to talk. How are we supposed to understand each other? We should leave room to relate to others.

Maybe we can start today by realizing our feelings don't dictate the truth about the universe, trying to hear other people's versions and reach understanding.

We can move away from therapy discourse and start owning our opinions, acknowledging they're nothing more than simple opinions. I believe that, sooner or later, we will have to achieve this state; otherwise, we will end up lonely and only talking to AI agents.

At least, if we want to distance ourselves from certain relationships, we can simply say it's because we want to, and treat everyone like a manipulator. After all, we're all the toxic one in someone else's story. It's a world of toxic people.